Rocked My World

Recently my Papa passed away.  It rocked my world and still is.  I know it will continue to.  He was so alive and vibrant and to think that is all gone is really hard to swallow.  I was there when he passed.  I hate it and I love it.  I hate it because the visual of the events right before it and the actual event are imprinted on my mind like a brand on cattle.  I love it because I was with him so much the final months and all of the decisions for his care and making sure he was okay was a 24/7 job.  I was so a part of so much of it, it would have been a huge struggle for me to have looked back and not been there for the final moment.  I was with him till the end not just in heart and spirit but physically, too.  I wouldn't trade a minute of the long hours in the hospital after a long day at work and a two-year-old in tow.  I wish I would have done it more.  I'm angry I didn't do it more. 

Always Wanted

I've always wanted to be someone that journals....I just hate writing!  Randomly I hear about people that love to journal and all their books filled with thoughts and memories to look back at.  I am not one of those people.  I wish I was.  I type pretty fast and so I've thought about journaling in my laptop but it just never did it.  So, years and years after I should have done it, I am starting a blog.  I don't even care if anyone reads it or follows it.  The most important thing is that I am finally putting down my thoughts and making sure memories aren't lost. I plan to do do some backlogging--or rewind posts--just to put down some recent activities that I wish would have been recorded at that time.  Then, I'll try to stay up-to-date!  I feel excited since sharing my feelings is just not something I do.